Washing machine

Pinch punch first day of the month and no returns.

Brain was scrambled when I woke this morning. I hadn't slept well despite popping a Nytol. Full of should and shouldn't noise. I need to chill but find it so difficult. I got up and had three slices of bread with thick layer of butter on each. I haven't had butter in the house for at least 2 years. Knew it was a mistake to buy it. Of course I didn't feel better. When will I learn? This threapy malarky is messing my head up.

As I was getting out of the bath this morning I notice a large damp patch on the ceiling. The roof's been leaking. I felt so bad. My procrastination about dealing with this is just causing more and more problems to sort out. Two workmen messed me about last summer and I've been nervous about dealing with this. Who to trust? I've been asking for recommendations but no one ever has anyone and on the one occassion they did, well that's a disaster that would take a long time to retell. The other recommendation, I'm too nervous to take up. Anyway, I began to panic and cry. I'm scared. I'm really scared about being ripped off. I sat on the computer, logged on to my bank and applied for a loan. Looks like I've been accepted. They just have to make a couple more checks. I then phoned a company up who had been doing some roofing work last year on a house near me. Just waiting for them to call back. The woman I spoke to sounded solid.

Went into town, bought all the wrong food to eat. I just want to stay in, watch a decent film and calm down. I hate this mess in my head. I keep remembering things. Memories from childhood just pop into my head all the time. Not all bad. Most not bad. It's just noisy in here and I want it to stop. It's like a washing machine, churning and churning.