Plumber extortion? Norbit not bad!

Plumber came round this morning saying that to replace the hotwater tank would cost me £500. Sounds extortionate. I'm getting a second quote.

Went to see Norbit with a friend. Better than The 300 but a bit low on laughs. Thandie Newton was quite charming in her role, but Norbit was too pitiful to root for. The film was followed by a grill at the Dragon Buffet. Very nice. I was drooling at the sight of all these meats and veggies. Literally drooling.

It's been a good day. I've spent about £12 buying plants for my front room where I type this. I've grouped them together in one corner. It gives the place warmth. And tomorrow? If the weather is good I may head for the countryside in the afternoon.

300

Went to see The 300. Didn't stay. So one note. Such a let down. So dreary. After half an hour I thought, "Got better things to do with my life," and off I went.



My head feels as clear as a mountain lake. Almost.



I discovered that the hot water tank was leaking badly the night before I flew to Geneva. Today the plumber came round. It's gonna cost a couple of hundred quid to replace. As the whole heating system is about 25 years old, it's only a matter of time before the boiler goes so I think I may as well bite the bullet and get a new condenser boiler and be done with it.

Geneva

Just back from a short break in Geneva. The weather was brilliant. Warm spring sunshine contrasted by snow on the mountains surround the Lake.

I didn't do anything I planned, opting to go with my guts which took me to Montreux and Chateau Chillon (pictured), then up into the mountains by train.

I spent this morning in an adorable suburb of Geneva called Carouge where an antique doll caught my eye. It may still be there waiting for me when I next visit and I'm a bit richer.

A trip like this is a great way of testing out the extent of my emotional sobriety. It wasn' t that good to start, but at least putting myself under the pressure of travelling alone somewhere new means that I know where I need to do more work. I'm an awful people pleaser when I think I'm out of my depth!

Synchronicity

The story of the talking painting didn't end yesterday. When I woke this morning, I didn't want to go to work and I was full of resentment and confusion and embarrassment. I managed to muster up the good sense to apologise to this "inner child" regardless of being annoyed by the fact it "exists". Got it. Gotta deal with it.

The thing I've not mentioned so far is that I'm in a 12 step recovery programme. I go to the meeting this evening and share on this incident. God only knows why cos I feel like a total twat at the end of it, but I'm very accepting of the fact that I'm a total twat. And who is sitting next to me? A total stranger who has worked on this issues for years and now makes a living helping others through inner child therapy. It was like three cherries in a row and the sweet sound of legal tender. Plus she gives a good hug.

Talking Picture

I went away for the weekend, spending it with some friends and a really strange thing happened to me. I was sitting alone in a room which was decorated with a series of victorian paintings of women and children. When I sat down I started to consider the painting directly in front of me of a little girl standing in a garden carrying a basket of flowers. I thought it was badly done and her eyes seemed strange, they didn't seem to suit her. "You're an ugly thing," I thought and to my shock I got an answer back, in my head of course. "Stop persecuting me. You're always persecuting me." And then in my mind's eye, I could see her cowering in a corner and I was standing over her shouting, "What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you?" It doesn't take a genius to recognise that this is all a conversation with myself, about myself. The way I was treating her was the way my mother treated me. The incident arose because I was overwhelmed by anxiety, for no apparent reason, earlier in the day. I felt so frustrated by this I kept asking myself why, telling myself to calm down, and I guess beating myself up in general.

So three gold stars for being a lunatic, but what do I do with this?

A Costly Mistake

A friend "leant" me her builder to do some repairs on my house on the weekends whilst he worked at hers during the week. The idea was to do a few jobs, but the plans grew on her "advice". She's a professional developer. The builder turned out to be a drunk and a bit crap. He eventually stole from her and did a runner in the middle of the work at my house. The full extent of his crappiness and her lack of judgement was revealed when a competent builder came to quote for the work to finish. It's left me feeling bitter, disappointed and fearful that the bill to put the mess right will be quite large.

The incident has taught me a number of things:
Trust myself. I wasn't impressed when he turned up smelling of booze but I made a whole host of excuses for it and the worst was, "She'd never employ someone who had a problem."
Don't use trust in others as an cop out for taking responsibility.
Be strong. He's f'd up my blue brick walkway. I should have kicked his arse as soon as I spotted it.
Don't be greedy. The most pertinent point. He was too cheap.

Curried Chicken v Downward Dog

I do Iyengar yoga after work on Thursday nights. The pain. But after the 10 minute relaxing bit at the end I'm so chilled: "Yeah man. Whatever." Anyway, there was some left over food following a meeting and I packed up a portion to take home, but I couldn't resist a bite of chicken. In the middle of holding the downward dog pose, the chicken started to make its way back up towards my throat. Nice.

Monkey Brain Paranoia Attack

Good god, technology is a bloody pain in the arse. I completed a post which was a thinly disguised account of "geek man" (colleague at work), going ape over someone who asked him to move his car. Then I got hit by a wave of paranoia and fear so I set off to change the email address I used to sign in, cos you never know, and hell-fire the frustration that ensued. And here's me, only monkeying around. I've had it. My temples are lightly throbing, I've got stuff to do, blah, blah. But at least I've made a start. I flash my arse in farewell.