Doing my 'ead in

Work is doing my 'ead in!! Took a day off at the top of the bank holiday weekend last Friday, back at work on Wednesday this week but by 10am today I was so worn down by the miserable sods that I booked the day off tomorrow. I just couldn't face them again. It really felt that bad! LOL Don't get me wrong, they're not horrible people, I'm just really over sensitive at the moment and don't have any compassion or patience for the games people play. Masks. Everyone is really prickly. I never know what I'm going to get. My line manager is a weirdo. His assistant is sad and acts like a little girl, but doesn't want to. Does that make sense? One of the secretaries can be so hostile and angry that it's pure comedy and I find it hilarious but sometimes it just becomes plain tiresome. The govenor is ok but can turn into a petulant school boy when he's tired. Must tell him to f off one day.

Maggots

I dreamt that I was infested with maggots and I was desperately trying to pull them out. At first the vision so disgusted me and frightened me that I had to transform them into something less scary. I've been able to do that in dreams for a while now. Anyway, I spend the dream pulling these things out. I become concerned that I'm not doing the job properly and some will be left behind and I'll be eaten alive. The dream ends.

Daniel Craig

My brother worked on the set of the movie Layer Cake in which Daniel Craig stared. According to bro, DC was a bit "up himself". Wonder if bro wasn't just a tad bit jealous?

On the topic of bro, he once served a bunch of vegan thesps animal product in what turned out to be a very popular dessert. Done out of ignorance not malice. They lived.

Honest Jon's Records

I love popping in every so often to Honest Jon's Records and picking something at random from this gem of a store. It may be the remedy for a jaded musical palate. One of the best bits about ordering a CD or vinyl from this shop is that it tends to turn up in a re-used jiffy bag, handwritten address and sealed up with tons of their own branded tape. Strangely charming in this era of slick marketing. Click here to visit.

Nothing But the Truth

Nothing But the Truth is the name of a play I saw last night on the recommendation of a friend. Written by and staring South African, John Kani, the play is about two estranged brothers. The eldest is a librarian who lives in a township in South Africa. His younger brother fled the country starting a new life in London but dies in exile. His daughter brings his ashes 'home' for burial. Through the play resentments are transfored into forgiveness and reconcilliation, allowing the characters to move into a new creative future.

I laughed a lot and cried a little. It's been a long long time since I've given the political struggles of South Africa any thought and I admit the determination demonstrated by the black community to avoiding the potential carnage that could have resulted if they had given into revenge for all the suffering they endured is extremely humbling.

Blah

I feel so fucking ill. I've been binge eating like a mad thing, cos I am mad. I feel frustrated and on the verge of tears but what would I be crying about. Can't but my finger on it.

Going to see Mother Meera up in Scotland in July and then to see Eckhart Tolle in September.

Hate myself.

And on that high note I'm going to piss off.

Good stuff

Well the good stuff that's been happening this week that I may expand on has been the return of the Course in Miracles group, meeting Sue, Marie getting me some contacts so I can sort out my central heating, went to see Angela Gheorghiu in concert which was fantastic and having the day off today.

I've sent emails to a couple of other therapist contacts I found through friends this week. One has had days to reply and hasn't so I'm striking him off the list.

My boss is the biggest tool I know.

I don't know how to stop binge eating.

Therapist let down

Been binge eating. Feel tired. I'm struggling with food, who to trust.. I had my first therapy session and she didn't turn up. Called me this morning and said there had been a misunderstanding. Bollocks. It was really clear that it would be this Wednesday, really clear. She's offered new appointments but I don't trust her now so she can fuck off.