Drunk again

Been as pissed as a newt since Saturday 23rd. Two bottles of wine a night, up to four on two days when I wasn't at work. Gradually began cutting down from Thursday.

The course was a challenge. I was given some feedback and left thinking what a fat ugly pig I was. And the mind chat became unbelievably awful when I was drinking. But in that sense it's been a blessing because I can really hear what I think of myself. It used to be "Oh God" and a sense of deflation and that was it.

By the grace of God, I got a phone call on Friday from a local alcohol support organisation. I had got in touch with them just before Christmas and never heard back, but I was OK, right? Got a first appointment next week.

I've been doing some mirror work and that's helping.

I realised that I'm really angry with my old councillor and it released a lot of energy. I need to pin some notes up around the house to remind me that if I get into a funk, who, or what, am I angry at?

I'm seeing a guy at this new place and its free, thank God. Bit nervy about him being a bloke and I promise myself that if he annoys me, I'll tell him. No more being nice and reasonable monkey. It's about being real monkey.