Drunk again

Been as pissed as a newt since Saturday 23rd. Two bottles of wine a night, up to four on two days when I wasn't at work. Gradually began cutting down from Thursday.

The course was a challenge. I was given some feedback and left thinking what a fat ugly pig I was. And the mind chat became unbelievably awful when I was drinking. But in that sense it's been a blessing because I can really hear what I think of myself. It used to be "Oh God" and a sense of deflation and that was it.

By the grace of God, I got a phone call on Friday from a local alcohol support organisation. I had got in touch with them just before Christmas and never heard back, but I was OK, right? Got a first appointment next week.

I've been doing some mirror work and that's helping.

I realised that I'm really angry with my old councillor and it released a lot of energy. I need to pin some notes up around the house to remind me that if I get into a funk, who, or what, am I angry at?

I'm seeing a guy at this new place and its free, thank God. Bit nervy about him being a bloke and I promise myself that if he annoys me, I'll tell him. No more being nice and reasonable monkey. It's about being real monkey.

So pissed off its unbloody believable. Fed up with the boss. Ate lots of donuts. Pissed off that people are leaving left right and centre and I'm still fucking here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bastards. Rats leaving a sinking ship.

Holy Crap

Went on a course at the weekend called More to Life. Hmm. Interesting, overwhelming, overwhelming.

Hmm.

Work stinks.

Gutted

Been prepping for a job interview. Didn't get it. Gutted.

I didn't go into it with high hopes but the interview seemed to go well and I liked them and the job. I also realised how demoralising I feel working where I am at the moment. Fucking horrible. Feel like I'm being treated like a nobody and seeing talentless Liz call all the shots. Fucking idiot bitch.